Acceptance. This is the buzzword everyone seems to be talking about. We hear about how we need to be accepting in our schools, in our jobs, our communities, etc. But what does that word really mean?
According to the Oxford Dictionary, accepting means “The action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.” The word “undertake” stood out to me. To ” undertake” means to “Commit oneself to and begin”. So when we talk about “accepting people” it really means to commit yourself to that person or group of people when given the chance. That is a big job sometimes.
A few years ago, I would have identified myself as easily accepting of everyone. Are you part of the LGBT community? Great! Are you of a different race than me? No problem. Are you from a different country? Immerse me in your culture now. Thoughts like that are great and many times authentic. I wish everyone could be that easily accepting.
Now let’s look at my reality.
About two years my only sibling, Sam, told me he was gay. I struggled with that for a long time. The fact that it made me struggle then caused me to be angry at myself. Didn’t I accept everyone, especially my only sister? Don’t I consider myself a liberal person? I kept beating myself up because I was having a hard time accepting who my sister loved. Fast forward a year and several months, and then Sam asked me to start using the pronouns “he/him” when speaking. Again, a few difficulties a raised. Yet, the thing that bothered me most was that it was hard for me, initially, to be accepting of this transition ( Sam is now identifying as transgender and will be referred to with masculine pronouns).
After the newness of the he/him pronouns wore off, things got a lot easier for me. I started understanding how important it is to use the pronouns Sam wants. Those pronouns are Sam’s identity and capture how he sees himself and how he wants to be viewed in the world. Those three letter words DO matter.
The thing I learned from these past few years of life experiences is that acceptance is not always easy. The idea of “committing oneself to begin” can be a really challenging thing. It does not matter if accepting looks like using a different pronoun for a family member, or if it looks like talking with someone who has different values than you. Acceptance can be difficult no matter what shape it takes.
What I have gone through in the past few years has opened up my eyes to what it means to genuinely and truly accept. To meet someone right where they are in that moment. Although being committed to an idea or a group of people can be hard, it is not impossible. Acceptance has now become one of my biggest values in life, yet I know it will be a life long journey. Truly being able to accept another human being no matter what happens is also known as another word. Love.
So, what I am saying is that while it is easy to throw the word around, it is a word that carries strength and empowerment. You often have to work at acceptance and it is not always your first instinct.
So I look around at all the Caitlyn Jenner’s, Laverne Cox’s, and Sam Perez’s of the world and it truly amazes me how courageous and strong they are. Because sometimes the hardest person in the world to accept is yourself…
Ps- Sam you know this already, but I will always love and accept you. No matter what.
AshleyKPerez 